International Writers' Club

For the last several years, Anne P. Copeland, Ph.D. (Executive Director of The Interchange Institute) has been meeting with small groups of parents from the local school system in our town, Brookline, MA. Brookline is a wonderfully international community; one elementary school boasts 50 different passport countries among its 450 students. She wanted to give newcomer parents a chance to discuss the cultural differences they encountered and to practice their written and spoken English. They also wanted to share the group's insights with the whole school community, so the American parents and teachers would learn about the cultural issues facing their new neighbors. Meetings were supported by funds from The Brookline Community Fund and The Brookline Center.

Prior to every meeting, two or three parents would forward a short essay to Anne about some practical cultural difference they had observed.

She made any needed grammatical corrections and distributed the essays to the rest of the members. When the group gathered together at the Writer's Club meeting, they spent their time discussing the cultural issues and insights. They discussed word choice and connotation, differing perspectives from the same and different cultures, historical roots of differences, frustrations, and admiration. What had started out as a description of some practical aspect of life with a child turned into a revealing look at profoundly important and deep cultural differences.

Later, Anne wrote a short reply from the American point of view, and these essays and replies were published in the school newsletter. In this way, the entire school community got a glimpse of these parents' insights and views, and had a basis for welcoming international newcomers. Teachers and American parents appreciated hearing about these cultural differences, and other international parents said they valued having a way to have a voice at the school.

These essays collectively give a sense of the challenges newcomers to the US face as they struggle to raise their children according to the values they cherish while opening their lives to the experience of living in a new culture.

We are now beginning a "Virtual Writer's Club," for international writers around the US who would like to discuss and write about cultural issues. Just follow the simple steps below. Welcome to the Writer's Club!

Think about your child's first week of school in the U.S. What was one thing that surprised you? How is it different in your home country? What would you like Americans to understand about how this is handled in your culture?
Think about your first week living in the U.S. - shopping, driving, setting up your home, meeting neighbors, etc. What about daily living was the most different from your home country? Describe what happened in the U.S., how it would have happened in your home country, and what your reactions were.
Think of a time since you have moved to the U.S. when you wished you were completely fluent in English. Describe what was happening. Then write three words that describe how you felt.

2) Send your essay to us. We will choose essays that we think will be of broad interest to visitors to this web site, correspond with those authors about suggested wording or grammar changes, write a brief reply, then post them on this site.

3) If you would like to add to, comment on, or disagree or agree with any of the posted essays and replies, let us hear from you too!

Traditionally, Koreans believe strongly that the duty of students is to study and that students should not miss school, where they can get a lot of knowledge. So, there are very few students who are absent from school. I missed school twice in 12 years, from elementary school to high school, but my sister and my elder brother were never absent from school for 12 years. They got 12-year All Attendance Prizes, which had been made to encourage not being absent from school. We believe all attendance at school symbolizes diligence and tolerance. Because of this belief, many Korean parents let children go to school even though they are a little sick so they will be trained to be strong through experience to endure sickness. And, if a child is absent from school, parents will be sorry for the teacher, as if their child hasn't done his duty.

When my family came here, I got to know that Americans are not as concerned about being absent from school. One year ago my son, who had never been absent from school in Korea, told me with surprise that one of his classmates had missed classes for a long time and didn't know when he would come back from travel. And, I also heard that the school nurse had sent my friend's daughter home even though my friend had thought her daughter, who had been a little bit sick, could study at school.

It seems to me that Americans think about education flexibly and efficiently. They think traveling is also an education and as important as studying at school because traveling makes children get real-life knowledge and develop emotion. They also think in order to get well fast, it is more efficient for children to rest at home than to be at school when they are sick. For a year and a half, I have been able to enjoy American flexibility and efficiency. My son missed class three times because of a trip and my daughter stayed at home many times because of sickness. Sometimes, I think the traditional ways of Korean education, like all attendance at school, were the best and quickest ways, at least in the past. They urged many able people who were diligent and good at studying to develop my country. However, I now think Korean education, which is making many children compete with each other in studying so much, should be changed to focus on making a person who is developed both intellectually and emotionally. In order to do that, the system of education needs to be flexible like that of America.

Even though I have this kind of thinking, I am still the one who tells my children automatically, "You should not be absent from school, although you are a little sick. You can endure." Or, "You missed class because of traveling. You better study in order to catch up with the class."

Probably I should first clarify that parents are not supposed to feel completely free to take their kids out of school in order to travel. But sometimes, depending on the nature of the trip and the length of absence, teachers agree that a trip is an opportunity for education that children should be allowed to experience. Such trips should always be discussed with teachers ahead of time.

I am especially struck by Meesuk's last paragraph: she's told us she understands and appreciates the American approach to school absence, but finds that her values are deeply rooted and not easily transplanted. How many of us have heard words come out of our mouths that we thought we would never say? Especially for families living a bicultural life, old and new ways struggle mightily with each other.

I think everything has two sides. One side is positive and the other, negative. I am going to tell you about the American and Korean concepts of time, based on my experience. As you know, the United States is geographically huge but Korea is small and therefore crowded.

On settling here, I needed to get an American driver's license. One day, I went to the RMV with my husband to take the exam. There were lots of people who were waiting for document processing. I waited in the line for a long time. But the staff who were working in the RMV never hurried up serving people. They were drinking Coke or coffee, eating, and talking with their neighbors about things unrelated to their jobs. I supposed if they considered the many people who were having to wait for a long time, they could have worked more effectively or faster.

"Time is gold." As I mentioned before, my country is not only small but we have a shortage of natural materials. Seventy percent of my country is mountains. We have had to create value from nothing. That means we have had to make more effort than people in other countries and to save time through good organization. Wherever we go, we want to spend the exact time needed there. Whatever we do, we want to do it very effectively, saving time, even if it is hard to do. Almost all Koreans including me, want to save time in everything, even eating. It may look like we are always hurrying. In fact, we think we are able to save the time effectively only when we hurry up.

There is another difference between Korea and the U.S. In Korea, we usually don't need to make an appointment to do something, even at a hospital. Everybody is treated by "first come first served." This also contributes to a "hurry up" sense.

When I came here, I was not patient in waiting, but now I am adapting and am more patient, waiting in line and making appointments. I may organize the time wisely. In summary, now I can say time can be used wisely and effectively and saved, even if we don't hurry up. On the other hand, American staff need to use their time more effectively. Probably they could do something more for people in this way.

Anyone out there want to share stories about waiting in line to get a driver's license? There's no cultural excuse for poor service, and it sounds as if that's what Inhee got. The interesting question is why the US tolerates this kind of service when it would not be tolerated in Korea. When I was in Japan (which, I think, is closer to Korea than the US on this dimension) I remember seeing an agent in the airport run from one desk to another in order to help a customer efficiently. Can you imagine that over at the RMV?

Actually, I think the US does not represent the polar extreme here. Many of my European friends have noted the fast pace of Americans - always rushing, drinking coffee on the go rather than sitting in a café with a friend, eating lunch at your desk while working, etc. In Korea, the standard business employee gets about one week's vacation; in the US there is no central control but the norm is 2-3 weeks. Six weeks is standard in some parts of Europe. One set of researchers visited six countries (Japan, England, Taiwan, Italy, Indonesia, and the US) and measured (1) the accuracy of clocks on downtown bank buildings, (2) how long it took people to walk 100 feet on a clear summer day on an uncrowded street, and (3) how long it took postal clerks to sell a stamp for a letter, paid for with a paper bill. Japan got the fastest scores and the US was second. They repeated the study with similar measures in 9 US cities of varying sizes; Boston was the fastest and Los Angeles was the slowest. So it's all relative.

Time sense is one of the most deeply-learned cultural senses we have, and therefore re-setting one's clock is one of the most difficult adjustments we have to make in another culture.

Have you noticed that many Japanese people mention words of apology easily? In my case, when I don't understand English, I often say unintentionally, "Sorry, I'm poor at hearing English. I don't understand." I do actually feel badly that they must be patient with my poor English. But I know that I don't say "Sorry" only as a real apology, but also because it is the Japanese way.

When we Japanese really feel sorry, we apologize. But except for that occasion, we use words of apology without thinking deeply even if we don't really feel sorry. As one reason, I think we are not unwilling to express apology to others; rather, it seems to me that words of apology make us relieved not to make friction and smooth over the relationships in our social life in Japan. I think this tendency is one part of our Japanese national character. And we haven't had the background of lawsuit-active society like America. Before I came to America from Japan, I heard that we must not apologize even if we have a car accident.

Another reason why we easily say "sorry" has to do with the Japanese language. There is one word, "sumimasen," that can mean "thank you," "excuse me," and "sorry" all at the same time. The weight of each of these meanings depends on the situation. For example, if a child gets an unexpected present, we would say, "sumimasen," meaning mostly "thank you." But we also might say, "Sumimasen, can you tell me how to find the library?" Here, we mostly mean, "excuse me." Because this word is ambiguous, it is very convenient. But when I translate this word into English, I just say, "sorry," not its whole, complex meaning.

The other day I found that I lost my daughter's gloves on our way home from the hospital, so I returned to the hospital and asked a receptionist if I might have left her gloves there. She tried to look for them kindly, but my primary doctor had a patient at that time in his room, so she couldn't get in and check it. As soon as I heard her reply, "Wait a moment," I had said in spite of myself, "Sorry!" I should have said, "Thank you." We get used to expressing apology for the things we don't need to apologize for.

I like the Japanese way, when we communicate between Japanese people. But I think I should pay more attention not to apologize too much in America, because I'm afraid the Japanese's modest way sometimes makes Americans feel strange. Moreover, it is subject to being misunderstood as the lack of self-confidence or misunderstanding.

One of the most interesting aspects of cultural study is the way languages bundle emotions differently into little word packets. Don't we English speakers all know that feeling of "gosh, thank you, I'm sorry you had to go to that trouble, but I do appreciate it"? But we don't have a single word - like "sumimasen" - for that complex emotion. Other languages offer other examples: to translate "gemütlich" from German we need a string of words -- cozy, comfortable, warm, pleasant. Edith Wharton, in her book "French Ways and Their Meaning," takes eight pages to explain how the English word "love" differs from the French "l'amour." (In brief, "love" is pure and poetic and presumably life-long; "l'amour" has the same sense of poetry with a dash of romance and sensuality.) The Polish word "tesknota" is loosely translated as "nostalgia" but in Polish there is a larger dose of sadness and longing than in English. English speakers know these emotions - appreciation with gratitude, warm coziness, love with romance, and sad nostalgia. But the English language suggests that these emotions are not as central to our experience.

The other issue raised in this essay is the nature of apology. Many cultural values are reflected in that moment when we decide whether or not to say, "I'm sorry." How important is it "not to make friction and smooth over relationships?" Smooth relationships are desirable everywhere, of course. But so are other values - wanting to be recognized for one's individual accomplishments, wanting not to be unfairly blamed, wanting to "explore and act" more than to "be in relation to others," to name a few. Cultures (and individual people) differ in how they rank the importance of these. In the individualistic US, I am afraid "having a smooth relationship" sometimes sags in the ranking. Since reading Noriko's essay, I have been particularly attuned to not hearing "I'm sorry" when it would have been nice - when the bank clerk made an error in my account or the airline sent my ticket to the wrong address, for example. The words "I'm sorry" seem to be absent in the Customer Service vocabulary; a little smoothing could go a long way. Yes, I suppose it might make us feel a little strange, but…um…we could get used to it.



		International Writers' Club For the last several years, Anne P. Copeland, Ph.D. (Executive Director of The Interchange Institute) has been meeting with small groups of parents from the local school system in our town, Brookline, MA. Brookline is a wonderfully international community; one elementary school boasts 50 different passport countries among its 450 students. She wanted to give newcomer parents a chance to discuss the cultural differences they encountered and to practice their written and spoken English. They also wanted to share the group's insights with the whole school community, so the American parents and teachers would learn about the cultural issues facing their new neighbors. Meetings were supported by funds from The Brookline Community Fund and The Brookline Center. Prior to every meeting, two or three parents would forward a short essay to Anne about some practical cultural difference they had observed. They Were Asked To Answer Three Questions In Their Essays: How does this aspect of life work in your home country? What surprised you about this in the US? What would you like Americans to understand about how this works in your culture? She made any needed grammatical corrections and distributed the essays to the rest of the members. When the group gathered together at the Writer's Club meeting, they spent their time discussing the cultural issues and insights. They discussed word choice and connotation, differing perspectives from the same and different cultures, historical roots of differences, frustrations, and admiration. What had started out as a description of some practical aspect of life with a child turned into a revealing look at profoundly important and deep cultural differences. Later, Anne wrote a short reply from the American point of view, and these essays and replies were published in the school newsletter. In this way, the entire school community got a glimpse of these parents' insights and views, and had a basis for welcoming international newcomers. Teachers and American parents appreciated hearing about these cultural differences, and other international parents said they valued having a way to have a voice at the school. These essays collectively give a sense of the challenges newcomers to the US face as they struggle to raise their children according to the values they cherish while opening their lives to the experience of living in a new culture. Sample Essays Being Absent from School Hurry Up Apologies We are now beginning a "Virtual Writer's Club," for international writers around the US who would like to discuss and write about cultural issues. Just follow the simple steps below. Welcome to the Writer's Club! Virtual Writer's Club Instructions 1) Pick one of these three topics: Think about your child's first week of school in the U.S. What was one thing that surprised you? How is it different in your home country? What would you like Americans to understand about how this is handled in your culture? Think about your first week living in the U.S. - shopping, driving, setting up your home, meeting neighbors, etc. What about daily living was the most different from your home country? Describe what happened in the U.S., how it would have happened in your home country, and what your reactions were. Think of a time since you have moved to the U.S. when you wished you were completely fluent in English. Describe what was happening. Then write three words that describe how you felt. 2) Send your essay to us. We will choose essays that we think will be of broad interest to visitors to this web site, correspond with those authors about suggested wording or grammar changes, write a brief reply, then post them on this site. 3) If you would like to add to, comment on, or disagree or agree with any of the posted essays and replies, let us hear from you too! back to top Being Absent From School By Meesuk Kang Traditionally, Koreans believe strongly that the duty of students is to study and that students should not miss school, where they can get a lot of knowledge. So, there are very few students who are absent from school. I missed school twice in 12 years, from elementary school to high school, but my sister and my elder brother were never absent from school for 12 years. They got 12-year All Attendance Prizes, which had been made to encourage not being absent from school. We believe all attendance at school symbolizes diligence and tolerance. Because of this belief, many Korean parents let children go to school even though they are a little sick so they will be trained to be strong through experience to endure sickness. And, if a child is absent from school, parents will be sorry for the teacher, as if their child hasn't done his duty. When my family came here, I got to know that Americans are not as concerned about being absent from school. One year ago my son, who had never been absent from school in Korea, told me with surprise that one of his classmates had missed classes for a long time and didn't know when he would come back from travel. And, I also heard that the school nurse had sent my friend's daughter home even though my friend had thought her daughter, who had been a little bit sick, could study at school. It seems to me that Americans think about education flexibly and efficiently. They think traveling is also an education and as important as studying at school because traveling makes children get real-life knowledge and develop emotion. They also think in order to get well fast, it is more efficient for children to rest at home than to be at school when they are sick. For a year and a half, I have been able to enjoy American flexibility and efficiency. My son missed class three times because of a trip and my daughter stayed at home many times because of sickness. Sometimes, I think the traditional ways of Korean education, like all attendance at school, were the best and quickest ways, at least in the past. They urged many able people who were diligent and good at studying to develop my country. However, I now think Korean education, which is making many children compete with each other in studying so much, should be changed to focus on making a person who is developed both intellectually and emotionally. In order to do that, the system of education needs to be flexible like that of America. Even though I have this kind of thinking, I am still the one who tells my children automatically, "You should not be absent from school, although you are a little sick. You can endure." Or, "You missed class because of traveling. You better study in order to catch up with the class." Reply From Anne Copeland: Probably I should first clarify that parents are not supposed to feel completely free to take their kids out of school in order to travel. But sometimes, depending on the nature of the trip and the length of absence, teachers agree that a trip is an opportunity for education that children should be allowed to experience. Such trips should always be discussed with teachers ahead of time. I am especially struck by Meesuk's last paragraph: she's told us she understands and appreciates the American approach to school absence, but finds that her values are deeply rooted and not easily transplanted. How many of us have heard words come out of our mouths that we thought we would never say? Especially for families living a bicultural life, old and new ways struggle mightily with each other. back to top Hurry Up By Inhee Ryou I think everything has two sides. One side is positive and the other, negative. I am going to tell you about the American and Korean concepts of time, based on my experience. As you know, the United States is geographically huge but Korea is small and therefore crowded. On settling here, I needed to get an American driver's license. One day, I went to the RMV with my husband to take the exam. There were lots of people who were waiting for document processing. I waited in the line for a long time. But the staff who were working in the RMV never hurried up serving people. They were drinking Coke or coffee, eating, and talking with their neighbors about things unrelated to their jobs. I supposed if they considered the many people who were having to wait for a long time, they could have worked more effectively or faster. "Time is gold." As I mentioned before, my country is not only small but we have a shortage of natural materials. Seventy percent of my country is mountains. We have had to create value from nothing. That means we have had to make more effort than people in other countries and to save time through good organization. Wherever we go, we want to spend the exact time needed there. Whatever we do, we want to do it very effectively, saving time, even if it is hard to do. Almost all Koreans including me, want to save time in everything, even eating. It may look like we are always hurrying. In fact, we think we are able to save the time effectively only when we hurry up. There is another difference between Korea and the U.S. In Korea, we usually don't need to make an appointment to do something, even at a hospital. Everybody is treated by "first come first served." This also contributes to a "hurry up" sense. When I came here, I was not patient in waiting, but now I am adapting and am more patient, waiting in line and making appointments. I may organize the time wisely. In summary, now I can say time can be used wisely and effectively and saved, even if we don't hurry up. On the other hand, American staff need to use their time more effectively. Probably they could do something more for people in this way. Reply From Anne Copeland: Anyone out there want to share stories about waiting in line to get a driver's license? There's no cultural excuse for poor service, and it sounds as if that's what Inhee got. The interesting question is why the US tolerates this kind of service when it would not be tolerated in Korea. When I was in Japan (which, I think, is closer to Korea than the US on this dimension) I remember seeing an agent in the airport run from one desk to another in order to help a customer efficiently. Can you imagine that over at the RMV? Actually, I think the US does not represent the polar extreme here. Many of my European friends have noted the fast pace of Americans - always rushing, drinking coffee on the go rather than sitting in a café with a friend, eating lunch at your desk while working, etc. In Korea, the standard business employee gets about one week's vacation; in the US there is no central control but the norm is 2-3 weeks. Six weeks is standard in some parts of Europe. One set of researchers visited six countries (Japan, England, Taiwan, Italy, Indonesia, and the US) and measured (1) the accuracy of clocks on downtown bank buildings, (2) how long it took people to walk 100 feet on a clear summer day on an uncrowded street, and (3) how long it took postal clerks to sell a stamp for a letter, paid for with a paper bill. Japan got the fastest scores and the US was second. They repeated the study with similar measures in 9 US cities of varying sizes; Boston was the fastest and Los Angeles was the slowest. So it's all relative. Time sense is one of the most deeply-learned cultural senses we have, and therefore re-setting one's clock is one of the most difficult adjustments we have to make in another culture. back to top Apologies By Noriko Watanabe Have you noticed that many Japanese people mention words of apology easily? In my case, when I don't understand English, I often say unintentionally, "Sorry, I'm poor at hearing English. I don't understand." I do actually feel badly that they must be patient with my poor English. But I know that I don't say "Sorry" only as a real apology, but also because it is the Japanese way. When we Japanese really feel sorry, we apologize. But except for that occasion, we use words of apology without thinking deeply even if we don't really feel sorry. As one reason, I think we are not unwilling to express apology to others; rather, it seems to me that words of apology make us relieved not to make friction and smooth over the relationships in our social life in Japan. I think this tendency is one part of our Japanese national character. And we haven't had the background of lawsuit-active society like America. Before I came to America from Japan, I heard that we must not apologize even if we have a car accident. Another reason why we easily say "sorry" has to do with the Japanese language. There is one word, "sumimasen," that can mean "thank you," "excuse me," and "sorry" all at the same time. The weight of each of these meanings depends on the situation. For example, if a child gets an unexpected present, we would say, "sumimasen," meaning mostly "thank you." But we also might say, "Sumimasen, can you tell me how to find the library?" Here, we mostly mean, "excuse me." Because this word is ambiguous, it is very convenient. But when I translate this word into English, I just say, "sorry," not its whole, complex meaning. The other day I found that I lost my daughter's gloves on our way home from the hospital, so I returned to the hospital and asked a receptionist if I might have left her gloves there. She tried to look for them kindly, but my primary doctor had a patient at that time in his room, so she couldn't get in and check it. As soon as I heard her reply, "Wait a moment," I had said in spite of myself, "Sorry!" I should have said, "Thank you." We get used to expressing apology for the things we don't need to apologize for. I like the Japanese way, when we communicate between Japanese people. But I think I should pay more attention not to apologize too much in America, because I'm afraid the Japanese's modest way sometimes makes Americans feel strange. Moreover, it is subject to being misunderstood as the lack of self-confidence or misunderstanding. Reply From Anne Copeland: One of the most interesting aspects of cultural study is the way languages bundle emotions differently into little word packets. Don't we English speakers all know that feeling of "gosh, thank you, I'm sorry you had to go to that trouble, but I do appreciate it"? But we don't have a single word - like "sumimasen" - for that complex emotion. Other languages offer other examples: to translate "gemütlich" from German we need a string of words -- cozy, comfortable, warm, pleasant. Edith Wharton, in her book "French Ways and Their Meaning," takes eight pages to explain how the English word "love" differs from the French "l'amour." (In brief, "love" is pure and poetic and presumably life-long; "l'amour" has the same sense of poetry with a dash of romance and sensuality.) The Polish word "tesknota" is loosely translated as "nostalgia" but in Polish there is a larger dose of sadness and longing than in English. English speakers know these emotions - appreciation with gratitude, warm coziness, love with romance, and sad nostalgia. But the English language suggests that these emotions are not as central to our experience. The other issue raised in this essay is the nature of apology. Many cultural values are reflected in that moment when we decide whether or not to say, "I'm sorry." How important is it "not to make friction and smooth over relationships?" Smooth relationships are desirable everywhere, of course. But so are other values - wanting to be recognized for one's individual accomplishments, wanting not to be unfairly blamed, wanting to "explore and act" more than to "be in relation to others," to name a few. Cultures (and individual people) differ in how they rank the importance of these. In the individualistic US, I am afraid "having a smooth relationship" sometimes sags in the ranking. Since reading Noriko's essay, I have been particularly attuned to not hearing "I'm sorry" when it would have been nice - when the bank clerk made an error in my account or the airline sent my ticket to the wrong address, for example. The words "I'm sorry" seem to be absent in the Customer Service vocabulary; a little smoothing could go a long way. Yes, I suppose it might make us feel a little strange, but…um…we could get used to it. back to top
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